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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23439481">so, i'm a total badass, huh?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShecagoIsSoTwoYearsAgo/pseuds/ShecagoIsSoTwoYearsAgo'>ShecagoIsSoTwoYearsAgo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Veronica Mars, Coming Out, F/F, Fluff, Lesbian Cindy Mackenzie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:28:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,553</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23439481</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShecagoIsSoTwoYearsAgo/pseuds/ShecagoIsSoTwoYearsAgo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I was inspired by a scene in 2×14 "Versatile Toppings." Here's how we ALL know that episode should've gone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie/Veronica Mars, Keith Mars &amp; Veronica Mars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>so, i'm a total badass, huh?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>review or u succ</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>Mac smiled warmly at Veronica as she stepped into the computer lab.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I need you to get me into a restricted website," Veronica said, eyes darting back and forth to make sure they were more or less alone. <em>Oh. So this is business.</em> That was just as well; Mac was always happy to help Veronica with whatever case she was working on.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Sure, what's the address?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't know." There was an awkward pause as Mac waited for Veronica to expand on that.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What's it for?" Mac finally asked, an amused smile on her face.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's... a Neptune High gay chatroom." Mac's smile fell. <em>Uh oh.</em> This situation had just gotten either really, really good, or really, really bad, and Mac had no idea which it was.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Veronica... you're not...?" <em>God, this is awkward, </em>Mac thought to herself. So awkward, she couldn't even get the words out. Luckily, she didn't need to, as realization dawned on Veronica's face.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No! I'm just... curious," Veronica said rather bluntly. <em>So... Veronica might like girls?</em> Mac frowned in confusion. Veronica blushed upon realizing what she'd just said, pushing her hair out of her face. "Curious as to what's posted on the website, more accurately," she clarified, looking away from Mac and focusing instead on the computer monitor in front of her. "Here we go. Work your funky magic."</p>
</div><p>Mac froze. <em>Fuck.</em> So, Veronica wasn't gay. Veronica wasn't even curious. But Veronica DID want access to the gay chatroom Mac had joined a few months earlier. Mac could hear the blood pounding in her ears as she stared up at her friend.</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>"...Aaand nothing. What's the problem?" Veronica asked, looking back at Mac. <em>Does she </em>know<em>? How could she possibly know?</em> Mac thought to herself in a panic. <em>...Scratch that, the girl's a freaking genius. But, she's also a good friend...</em> Mac calmed down a bit as she determined that Veronica probably didn't <em>know</em>. If she <em>knew</em>, she wouldn't be coming at her like this. Still, Veronica stood in front of her, waiting for an answer, an answer that Mac was totally blanking on. <em>What's a not-gay way to say 'I'm a lesbian, you're really cute, and I may or may not have expressed both of those things on the website you want access to?'</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You set it up, didn't you?" Mac blinked. Veronica must be totally dense, but she'd also just given her a totally valid excuse. Mac decided to play it safe and go along with it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Some ass-face got onto their message board and wrote some pretty awful stuff, so Ryan asked me to beef up their security." Mac isn't exactly lying. Actually, she's not technically lying at all. That WAS how she'd first found out about the website. But after she'd helped Ryan with the security, she'd made a personal account as well. Veronica didn't need to know that part, though.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah, I work for Ryan, too, now, so if you could just-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"So then why wouldn't he have let you on it himself?" Mac cut her friend off abruptly, without really meaning to. Veronica could NOT see what was posted on that website.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Damn you and your valid questions," Veronica said. She looked up at the ceiling, brainstorming a compromise that Mac might agree to. "Look, it's still private if I only see the usernames, right?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Savvy detectives such as yourself might deduce who the Pirate's S.H.I.P.ers are," Mac replied, knowing that the odds of Veronica figuring out that MacSheep88 was her were pretty solid. She could live with Veronica knowing she was a lesbian (though she certainly hadn't been planning on telling her anytime soon!), but once Veronica figured out that MacSheep88 was her, she might put it together that Mac <em>liked</em> her. The thought made Mac's stomach turn. Or, maybe she'd assume that Mac just didn't want her knowing that she likes girls because she didn't trust Veronica. That was almost worse; Veronica was one of her closest friends, and she wouldn't ever want her to think otherwise.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Veronica sighed, a pleading look in her eyes. "Mac, the only way I can stop the Marlenas and Kylies of this school from being tormented is if I get on that message board." Mac ruminated on that. Veronica was one of the least judgmental people in this whole school when it came to this sort of thing. Her intentions were pure; she was only trying to help. And Veronica was very good at what she did. She'd most likely find a way onto the website even if Mac wasn't the one to let her on, and then she'd walk away hurt that Mac hadn't helped her. Or worse, if Veronica didn't find a way to get on, the blackmailer might print out all of Mac's posts and hang them up all over the school. Sure, the blackmailer hadn't contacted her yet, but that could change at any time. Just the thought of that made Mac want to curl up and die. Veronica would find out about Mac's crush anyway, <em>and</em> she'd probably end up getting teased too just because her name was mentioned in the posts.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>There was no way around it- Veronica was almost <em>definitely</em> going to find out about Mac's crush on her. But right now, Mac had the opportunity to decide how it was going to happen, and the obvious choice was the one where Mac could avoid hurting Veronica's feelings, as well as publicly humiliating Veronica and herself. Besides, she couldn't just let all of those other kids get extorted or outed. That would be wrong, and Mac would hate herself. This was a nightmare either way, but at least this way, no one but Mac had to get hurt. Mac couldn't believe it had actually come to this, but she knew what she had to do. After what felt like hours of torturous deliberation, but was really only a handful of seconds, Mac spoke.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"...All right, stop it. You're embarrassing me." Mac entered the web address and logged in to her administrator account. "Okay, I'll make you a hard copy, but you <em>have</em> to burn it when you're done." Veronica nodded, and took the chair next to Mac's as she navigated to the forums and started hitting "print" on the pages, one by one. Mac went as quickly as possible; she could feel Veronica reading over her shoulder, and it was making her even more anxious than she already was. After a minute, the old printer finally started to make noise, and Veronica stood up to retrieve her papers. Before she could move, Mac startled her a little by grabbing her arm. She looked down at her friend curiously.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Veronica," Mac started softly, hoping the other girl couldn't hear how shaky her voice was. <em>Chill,</em> she urged herself. <em>Nothing's even happened yet. You're acting </em><em>like a spaz.</em> Veronica raised her eyebrows. "Just... when you're reading these posts, try to remember... This is <em>very</em> private, <em>very</em> personal stuff. Some of these kids have poured their hearts out onto this website. Don't be surprised if some of what you're reading is... well, surprising, because you weren't ever supposed to see it. I mean, not <em>you</em> <em>specifically,</em> just... you know, anybody who's not on the website." Veronica nodded.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I know. It's a bad situation, but I'm not gonna make it any worse for those poor kids. I'll try to just... forget I ever saw it." Mac nodded. She knew Veronica wouldn't be able to forget what she was about to read, but she really hoped she'd pretend to for the sake of their friendship.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac couldn't bear to be in the room when Veronica started reading the posts, so she said a hasty goodbye and hightailed it out of the computer lab as soon as she'd logged off.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>-</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Veronica stood at the kitchen counter slicing apples and thinking.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>After her talk with Ryan in the computer lab, she'd read through more of the pages Mac had printed for her, and found something that had shocked her- a whole thread of people talking about <em>her,</em> started by "MacSheep88." She'd been able to put it out of her mind long enough to talk to Kelly Kuzzio about his faked mugging, but other than that, she'd been preoccupied with it all day.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Veronica set her knife down and picked up the two slightly crumpled pieces of paper on the counter next to her. The rest were still in her bag; she'd only pulled these ones out because she couldn't stop looking at them. At the top of the page, she reread for probably the twentieth time in four hours "Help! I have a crush on my straight friend." She stirred the mashed potatoes on the stove before reading on: "I've been friends with this girl for a little over a year. She's smart, funny, cute as a button, and a total badass. And she's straight. I think. She's had three boyfriends in the year I've known her, but she's recently single. I think her boyfriend moved away? I don't know what exactly happened. Obviously I'm not gonna make a move or anything, but what do you do about a hopeless crush on a straight girl? I'm afraid I'm going to say something dumb and ruin our friendship."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The first time Veronica had read that post, she'd only skimmed it, and not thought much of it. The comment below was what had made her go back and really <em>read</em> the post, over and over. FeeSpirited had replied "smart, bad ass, boyfriend just moved away? haha sounds like your talking about veronica mars. are you sure shes straight? i know she dated duncan, but im pretty sure ive seen her flirt with girls too." Veronica blushed. <em>What?</em> <em>Do I flirt </em><em>with </em><em>girls?</em> she asked herself. <em>I don't </em><em>think I do... I joked around with Meg and Lilly a few times, but I wasn't serious... That's not flirting, is it?</em> She checked on her meatloaf and mashed potatoes before reading on.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>LeonyPony replied "Veronica mars is not straight LOL. TMOT, my gaydar is never wrong. She's probably bi. Kind of a slut though. I wouldn't hit that." Veronica frowned and gripped the papers tighter.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"If Veronica is bi she's in the closet or in denial or both. If you have a crush on her you should probably just move on. Sorry hun xx" GrrlLOVER had replied. Veronica pushed her hair behind her ear. She skimmed the rest of the comments before setting the pages down and returning to her cooking. One commenter had said that Veronica "gave off major dyke vibes," and another said she was "definitely straight as an arrow." The last one just said "She's a nice girl, y'all. Leave her alone. She'll figure herself out when she's ready."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Veronica already had herself figured out, didn't she? She certainly thought so. She'd loved all of her boyfriends- Duncan, Troy, Leo, Logan... She hadn't faked her feelings at all. And she'd never thought about any girls that way. Of course she'd loved Lilly... platonically. And she loved Mac, too. Platonically.</p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>Oh my god. Mac. </em>There was no way MacSheep88 <em>wasn't</em> Mac, right? So Mac had a crush on her. Veronica blushed. She didn't know how to feel about that. No wonder Mac had been so reluctant to let her onto the Pirate's S.H.I.P. <em>But she did it anyway,</em> Veronica realized as she grabbed an oven mitt and took the meatloaf out of the oven. <em>Mac revealed her feelings to me just so nobody else would get outed.</em> Veronica smiled. <em>Because t</em><em>hat's just who she is.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>Veronica had just shut off the stove and the oven when her dad walked in the front door. She quickly jammed the papers into her back pocket.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hey honey, how was school?" he asked as he set down his briefcase and took off his jacket. Veronica pondered this as she made two plates of mashed potatoes, apple slices, and meatloaf.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hmm, that's a tricky one. In a word? ...Weird," she replied.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Weird, huh?" Keith said, taking off his shoes. He sat down across from his daughter at the kitchen island. "Anything you want to talk about?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Veronica hesitated. Truthfully? Yes, she did want to talk about this. She was so confused by all of her conflicting emotions, and all of the things the other kids had said about her on the forum. But what was she supposed to say? <em>'Yeah, dad, my </em><em>friend has a crush on me, and she's a girl, and she let me find out about it so that none of the other gay kids at school would get outed, and that part's a long story, but anyway, now I know, and she knows </em><em>that I know, and I don't know </em><em>what to say to her, because I'm straight and I'm pretty sure I'm not into girls that way, but she's really awesome, and I also kinda think dating her would be sort of amazing, which is scary because does that mean I'm not straight? And oh yeah, apparently </em><em>the </em><em>other </em><em>kids at school think I give off 'big dyke vibes?''</em> Right.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Not really," Veronica lied, poking at her meatloaf in frustration. "How was work?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Veronica did her best to listen as her dad brought her up to date on the latest developments in the Terrence Cook case, but it wasn't easy to focus with so many other thoughts flooding her brain.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>-</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I found... I don't know... but I'm pretty sure it was some kind of explosive and detonators," Veronica said of the things she'd seen in Terrence Cook's hangar.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"So much for my gut," Keith replied. He'd been sure Terrence was innocent, but this new development was pretty damning. He sighed. "We'll talk to Lamb tomorrow morning. Thanks for letting me know." Veronica nodded. Realizing that he probably wasn't going to fall back to sleep any time soon, Keith got out of bed and motioned for Veronica to follow him into the kitchen, where he proceeded to make two mugs of hot chocolate. Seated next to his daughter on the sofa while the TV showed a late night news rerun, Keith asked Veronica, "How was the game?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Veronica swallowed a sip of her hot chocolate. "Good. We won," she said, nodding her head slowly. "Wallace killed it, as usual." Keith nodded, taking a sip from his own mug, and turning his attention back to the screen.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Dad?" Veronica asked quietly, after a few minutes. Keith raised his eyebrows, looking back at her. Veronica squirmed uncomfortably, setting her mug down on the coffee table.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Honey? What's wrong?" Keith asked, noticing the worried expression on his daughter's face. Veronica bit her lip, scratching her thumbnail nervously against her denim-clad thigh.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I think..." she started. She breathed in and out before trying again. "IthinkIlikeagirl," Veronica said in a rush, avoiding her dad's eyes. Keith stared blankly at her as he tried to process what she'd just said. It was late, after all.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh," he said finally. "Oh, okay." Keith set his mug down. "Who is she?" Veronica looked up, trying to read her dad's expression. He wasn't mad. She hadn't expected him to be, but she was relieved nonetheless.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"My friend Mac. I just found out that she likes me, and I keep thinking about it, and... I think I like her too." Keith reached out and began to rub Veronica's back. She scooted closer to her dad, and he pulled her into a tight hug. Veronica wrapped her arms around him, her hands balling into fists in his shirt.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Have you ever liked a girl before?" Keith asked. He felt Veronica shake her head against his shoulder. "Are you scared?" She nodded.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't know what to do," Veronica said in a voice barely above a whisper. Keith squeezed her tighter.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, honey," Keith started after a long moment. "If you like her, and she likes you, I think you should talk to her. The two of you can figure things out together, and if you decide you're gay, or bisexual, that's okay. I'll love you just the same. I always will," he assured her. Veronica sniffled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I love you too," she said softly, her voice cracking at the end. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks onto her dad's shirt. She'd known he'd understand; she was just feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. They sat together like that for a few long minutes, Keith slowly rocking his daughter back and forth as she calmed herself down.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Let's call it a night," Keith said eventually. "Tomorrow's gonna be crazy; we should get some sleep." Veronica nodded and slowly pulled away. She stood up and stretched, then took the two mugs to the kitchen as her dad shut off the TV. "Goodnight, Veronica. I love you," Keith said as he headed back to his room. Veronica smiled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I love you too," she called after him as she finished washing the mugs.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>-</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Mac was going crazy. The only time Veronica had spoken to her since Thursday was to ask her who Logan Echolls's new girlfriend was on Friday morning. It was now Monday, and still, radio silence. She knew Veronica had caught the blackmailer, which meant she had definitely looked through the forum pages Mac had printed for her. Mac was relieved that she no longer had to worry about potentially being blackmailed, but now she was worried that Veronica was upset with her, or weirded out. Maybe she'd done what Mac had asked, and chosen to forget about it? Or maybe Veronica was just busy.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Not knowing was making her more and more anxious with every passing minute. Mac was standing at her locker, putting her books away and debating just finding Veronica and talking to her herself, when she heard a voice on the other side of her locker door.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"So, I'm a total badass, huh?" Veronica said. Mac's heart leapt into her throat as she slowly closed her locker. But when she saw a smiling Veronica leaning her shoulder against the locker next to hers, a small smile crept onto Mac's face.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Shut up," she said, rolling her eyes and looking away.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I can't believe you did that," Veronica said admiringly, shifting her weight onto her other foot. Mac shook her head and raised her hands apologetically.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No, <em>Mac</em>," Veronica said, grabbing Mac's forearm. Mac looked up so her eyes met Veronica's. "You let me see something private that you didn't want me to see, just to stop a bunch of other people from being blackmailed and outed. That was really cool of you; that took guts. <em>Thank you."</em> Mac blushed and looked down at her feet.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh, yeah," she said sheepishly. "Um, you're welcome. Can we just... forget about all of that?" Veronica slid her hand down Mac's arm.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm really glad you showed me," Veronica said softly. At Mac's confused expression, Veronica took a quick look around before grabbing her hand and pulling her into the girls' bathroom. She checked under the stalls to make sure they were alone, and then kicked the door stopper in. Veronica had felt a lot better after her talk with her dad on Friday night, and after spending the weekend fighting crime and dabbing on haters, she was feeling much more confident, more herself. Mac, on the other hand, was looking quite bewildered and nervous when Veronica turned around to face her.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I... had never given any thought to possibly liking girls this way," Veronica started. "But after reading through that thread, I started thinking, and..." She paused to push a strand of hair out of her face. Looking down at the floor, she continued "I think dating you would be really cool."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Caught completely off guard by Veronica's admission, Mac's face broke into a huge grin. "Okay," she said, a small, nervous laugh evident in her voice.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"So, um... do you wanna just... try it, and see where it goes?" Veronica smiled, fighting an inexplicable urge to laugh.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Okay, yeah, let's do it," Mac replied, giggling at the surprising turn of events.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Awesome!" Veronica said ecstatically, putting up her left hand for a high five. Mac raised an eyebrow at the awkward gesture, but high fived her anyway, and then both girls burst out laughing giddily. Mac couldn't help but notice the adorable way Veronica's nose crinkled when she laughed. When they'd finally caught their breath, Veronica took Mac's hand in her own, lacing their fingers together. "C'mon, let's go get lunch." Mac nodded, and Veronica pulled out the door stopper with the toe of her boot.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>As they walked down the now empty hallway, hand in hand, Mac asked her girlfriend "Did you burn those papers like I told you to?" Veronica smiled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"All but two. I'm keeping those ones forever," she replied. Mac shook her head.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I guess I'd better tell Cassidy that our beardsies thing is over," she mused. Wide-eyed, Veronica turned to look at her girlfriend.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh shit, I completely forgot about him," Veronica laughed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah, me too," Mac said honestly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Almost in sync, the two girls stopped and took a deep breath, and then Veronica squeezed her girlfriend's hand as they stepped out into the courtyard together.</p>
</div>
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